BIFF Method for Co-Parenting Communication

The BIFF method — Brief, Informative, Friendly, Firm — is a communication framework developed by family therapist Bill Eddy for high-conflict co-parenting situations. It's designed to reduce arguments, keep communication focused on children, and create a documented record of reasonable behaviour.

The Four Elements

Brief. Keep your message short. No explanations, no justifications, no emotional context. Short messages give less to argue with. Aim for 2-4 sentences max.

Informative. Stick to facts — who, what, when, where. Avoid judgments or interpretations. Instead of "You're always late," say "I'll be at the school at 3pm for pickup."

Friendly. A warm tone doesn't mean you're giving in. A simple "Hope you're doing well" or "Thanks for confirming" signals goodwill without compromising your position.

Firm. Be clear about boundaries and decisions. "I'm not available to adjust the schedule this week" is firm without being hostile. No apologies for reasonable boundaries.

BIFF Examples

Instead of: "You're always late dropping the kids off and it's really disruptive to their routine and my schedule. I need you to be more responsible."

BIFF version: "Today's drop-off was at 5:30pm rather than the agreed 4pm. Please let me know if the pickup time needs to change going forward. Thanks."

BIFF and the AI Tone Coach

Larkling's AI Tone Coach applies similar principles — scanning your message before sending to flag language that could escalate conflict. It's like having a BIFF coach built into every message. Free users get 3 lifetime checks; Premium includes 30 per day.